YOU MISSED THE JOURNEY

YOU MISSED THE JOURNEY
BY
LEONARD BRUCE
‎June ‎20, ‎2014
IT HAS BEEN ABOUT THREE YEARS SINCE MY WIFE LEFT ME AND THE SITUATIONS SNOWBALLED UP TO MY DYING OF PANCREATIC CANCER. THE STORY IS A SIMPLE ONE BYT BRILLANT IN IT’S CONSTRUCTION.
AROUND SEPTEMBER 2011 I NOTICED MY WIFE EILEEN WITH A CARTOON SWEATER OF PEPPI LEPRUE THAT SAID IN BIG LETTERS THE WORD “AVAILABLE” ON THE FRONT UNDER NEATH THE CHARACTER. I TOLD HER THAT SHE WASN’T AVAILABLE BUT MARRIED AND SHE RETURNED THE SWEAT SHIRT. ONE MONTH BEFORE I GOT HER A SEPARATE CELL PHONE WITH A DIFFERENT NUMBER THAN OUR CELL PHONE. SHE NEEDED THIS IN CASE I NEEDED TO GO INTO THE HOSPITAL AGAIN FOR A STROKE.
I HAD WANTED TO SELL THE HOUSE, HAVE HER GO UP NORTH TO PA WHERE SHE IS FROM, LOOK FOR EMPLOYMENT HERSELF AND SEE ABOUT RENTING A HOUSE, AND I WOULD GET A VAN AND HAVE SOMEONE MOVE ALL OUR FURNITURE UP TO THE NEW HOME AND I WOULD RENT AN SUV AND DRIVE UP TO PA WITH THESE 5 ANIMALS. MY WIFE WOULDN’T HAVE IT EVEN THPOGH WE HAD ENOUGH IN SAVINGS TO DO THIS WITH.
I HAD MINOR SURGERY ON BOTH LEGS TO IMPROVE CIRCULATION AND I CONTRACTED CELLULITIS ON THE OUTSIDE OF BOTH LEGS DUE TO THE ADVERSE REACTION OF THE DRUG LIDOCANE INSIDE EACH LEG. I HAD BROWN PUSS BLISTERS ALL OVER MY LEGS AND I WAS IN TERRIBLE PAIN SO BAD THAT I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL FOR 11 DAYS IN TWO ADMISSIONS.
MY WIFE WAS INTO THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS AND I WAS A NEWLY BAPTISED CHRISTIAN IN A LOCAL CHURCH. WHEN I WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL THE SECOND TIME THE CHURCH MEMBERS PRAYED OVER ME AND I WAS BETTER WITHIN FIVE DAYS. MY WIFE WENT TO MY DOCTOR IN DYERSBURG BEFORE MY SECOND HOSPITAL ADMISSION AND I HAD TO GO BACK TO MY SKIN DOCTOR A WEEK LATER AFTER I LEFT THE HOSPITAL FOR A FOLLOW UP. SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GO TO MY DOCTOR TWO DAYS AFTER I WENT HOME FROM MY SECOND HOSPITAL STAY. I STILL HAV BLISTERS OPN BOTH LEGS BUT THAT WERE BETTER. I NEEDED HELP DRIVING IN DYERSBURG DUE TO THE HEAVY RAINS AND A TORNADO WATCH AND YET SHE STILL DIDN’T WANT TO GO WITH ME.
I CAME HOME HOURS LATER AND CONFRONTED HER ABOUT HER LACK OF EMPATHY AND ASKED HER WHY SHE DIDN’T GO TO THE SKIN DOCTOR WITH ME. SHE STARTED LAUGHING AT ME SINCE I TOLD HER I GOT LOST SEVERAL TIMES DRIVING UP THERE. SHE DIDN’T WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT AND SHE WENT INTO ANOTHER ROOM. I GRABBED HER SHIRT SLEEVE AND MY WIFE CALLED THE POLICE ON ME AND SAID THAT I HAD PUSHED HER INTO THE BATHROOM. I TOLD THE OFFICERS WHAT HAPPENED AND I DIDN’T PUSH HER BUT THEY BELIEVED HER NOT ME.
TWO DAYS AFTER BEING IN THE HOSPITAL WITH BLISTERS ON BOTH LEGS AND COMING OFF A MASSIVE DOSAGE OF STERIODS FOR THE CELLUITIS I WAS BOOKED FOR TWO DAYS. MY NEIGHBOR CALLED AND SAID SHE WOULD BAIL ME OUT. I CAME HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE, NO SAVINGS IN MY CHECKING ACCOUNT, BILLS OWED AND FIVE PETS THAT SHE FORGOT TO FEED. SHE LEFT ME AND SHE TOLD THE OFFICER THAT PICKED ME UP THAT SHE WAS TIRED OF BEING MY CARE GIVER AND SHE WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD DIE AND SHE DIDN’T WANT ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY.
I WENT TO COURT IN OCTOBER 2011 AND MY WIFE DIDN’T SHOW UP TO FACE ME. THE JUDGE RESCHEDULED THE COURT DATE AND AGAIN SHE DIDN’T SHOW UP. I WANTED TO TELL HER THE TRUTH AND FACE MY ACCUSER AND SHE DIDN’T WANT THAT. ONE MONTH AFTER MY WIFE LEFT ME I HAD MY THIRD STROKE AND WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AGAIN FOR FOUR DAYS. THE STROKE WAS DUE TO THE STRESS MY WIFE DID AND WAS PLANNING TO DO WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR ELEVEN DAYS. I HAD AN MRI WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL FOR MY THIRD STROKE AND THE NEWS WAS VERY BAD. I HAD PANCREATIC CANCER SECOND STAGE.
I KNEW WHERE MY WIFE WAS WITH HER FOLKS IN FLEETWOOD PA. I DID NOT WANT THE DIVORCE. I THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD MARRIAGE. I THOUGHT THAT SHE NEEDED TIME TO HERSELF AND THAT SHE WOULD MOVE BACK DOWN HERE TO TENNESSEE IN A COUPLE MONTHS. I WAS WRONG. SHE SENT ME MY PAPERS FROM HER ATTORNEY. I WASN’T GOING TO WORRY ABOUT THIS EVEN THOUGH I WAS PARTIALLY USING MY RIGHT ARM AND LEG AND HAVE TO FACE CHEMO IN THE NEAR FUTURE SHE SURELY WOULDN’T LET ME FACE ALL THIS ALONE. SHE DID.
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING DRAMASTIC ABOUT TAKING CARE OF MY PETS SO I CALLED WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A NO KILL RESCUE SHELTER LOCALLY ABOUT REPLACING MY TWO CATS AND ONE DOG NAMED PHYLLIS INTO ANOTHER HOME THAT HAD PEOPLE THAT COULD TAKE CARE OF MY ANIMALS. I COULD NOT DUE TO THIS STROKE. WITHIN ONE HOUR AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT THIS PLACE WAS A KILL SHELTER MY DOG PHYLLIS WAS GONE. I WAS TOO LATE TO SAVE HER. I STILL MOARN THAT DOG TO THIS DAY.
I TRIED CALLING MY WIFE TO TELL HER ABOUT MY STROKE, MY PANCREATIC CANCER AND HER PETS AND MY MOTHER IN LAW WOULDN’T LET ME SPEAK TO HER ABOUT THIS. I COULDN’T AFFORD MY LAWYER SO I USED HERS. I DID A BUDGET OF MY HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES, MY BILLS, MY DISABILITY DEPOSITS AND MY COMING CHEMOTHERAPY COSTS AND I GOR STUCK WITH PAYING MY WIFE ALIMONY FOR SEVERAL MONTHS! I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF. A DISABLED MAN WITH THREE STROKES AND A DIAGNOSES OF PANCREATIC CANCER, AND CANNOT WORK HAS TO PAY A HEALTHY WOMAN WHO WAS WORKING AND DIDN’T HAVE ANY BILLS ALIMONY!! I HAD TO SIGN THE DIVORCE PAPERS EVEN THOUGH I WAITED ALMOST ONE YEAR AND WAS ALMOST STARVING I SIGNED THE PAPERS.
THROUGHOUT THESE SEVERAL MONTHS I HAVE HAD THREE SESSIONS OF CHEMOTHERAPY OF SIX WEEKS EACH, CANCER IS STAGE THREE AND INTO MY COLON AND LIVER, THREE OF MY PETS HAVE DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES, GOT A NEW FEMALE YORKIE MIXED DOG NAMED SWEETIE, KEPT THE TWO REMAINING CATS RUSTY AND BABY, TAKING CARE OF THREE OTHER OUTSIDE CATS, DROPPED CABLE TV DUE TO EXPENSES, AND WENT BACK TO CHURCH. I STILL LOVE MOVIES, BLOG, READ ALOT, AND I DO NOT DATE. WHO WILL HAVE ME?
I STILL THINK OF MY WIFE AND HOW SHE WOULDN’T ACCEPT ME FOR BETTER OR WORSE IN SICKNESS OR IN HEALTH 30 YEARS AGO. SHE MISSED A HELL OF A JOURNEY AND MOST OF THIS JOURNEY SHE CAUSED BY LEAVING ME AND DIDN’T WANT TO HELP ME DRIVE TO MY DOCTOR.

LEONARD BRUCE

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