Scrapping the Barrel – The Watermen

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I watch a lot of bad films, what can I say, it’s a calling. However every now and again a film comes along so rancid, so utterly devoid of worth, bereft of merit, lacking in interest, that it is like biting into a ripe piece of limburger cheese that has been matured in a burly rugby half back’s sports truss over a period of years and feeling a bloated maggot burst against your teeth.

The Watermen is not the maggot in this parable. Oh no. The Watermen is the cloying lumpy ichor that bursts from the maggot’s vile carcass and coats your throat making you gag and heave. And it has an aftertaste that will make you want to gargle with bleach. THAT, ladies and germs, is The Watermen.

Written and directed by someone with the storytelling ability of a slime mould, The Waterman is a slasher movie spiced with…

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KEANU REEVES PLAYS HITMAN IN “JOHN WICK” – SURPRISES WITH UNEXPECTED USE OF ARTILLERY IN ACTION SCENES

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  One of Hollywood’s top lead actors, 50-year old Keanu Reeves is at the top of his game- physique and stamina even better to-date in the full-throttle action-packed film “John Wick” as he takes on the titular role of a retired assassin who hunts down his adversaries with the ruthlessness that made him a crime underworld legend.

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After the sudden death of his beloved wife Helen (Bridget Moynahan), John Wick (Reeves) receives one last gift from her, a beagle puppy named Daisy, and a note imploring him not to forget how to love. But John’s mourning is interrupted when his 1969 Boss Mustang catches the eye of sadistic thug Iosef Tarasov (Alfie Allen). When John refuses to sell the car, Iosef and his henchmen break into his house and steal it, beating John unconscious and leaving Daisy dead. Unwittingly, they have just reawakened one of the most brutal assassins the…

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Film Friday #203

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Coyote Ugly (2000)

Violet Sanford (Piper Perabo) wants to be a songwriter so she moves to New York full of dreams. Unfortunately no one wants to listen to her stupid songs because it’s New York  and everyone thinks they’re the next big thing. So she finds herself working in bar called Coyote Ugly where girls dance on the bar, spray patrons with water, refuse to serve them the drinks they want and set fire to shit… which seems to me to be a ludicrous way to run a business. She also meets an Australian guy called, Kevin (Adam Garcia  – still cute before he botoxed his face to hell) and they hook up. He wants Violet to follow her songwriting dream but she has stage fright… except when she is dancing on the bar and singing songs that she didn’t write (?) After she bails on a gig that Kevin…

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